Film critics are conceited by definition, but we’re not smug enough to think that the legions of Twilight fans could give two hoots about what we have to say about their beloved franchise. That much was clear when last year’s Twilight managed to pull an impressive $380 million at the global box office, despite the fact that a majority of critics (i.e. myself) considered it a droning, ineptly crafted teen-romance. It has therefore been in the best interest of this year’s sequel, New Moon, to change absolutely nothing. Once again, critics will mercilessly steak the film to death, but it will do little to stop box office records from crumbling.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll dance in your seat throughout This Is It…as long as you’re a Michael Jackson fan. If you’re like me – neither a lover nor hater of MJ– then you’ll be bored stiff within the hour. That’s because This is It is little more than what you’d see in the special features of a concert DVD; there’s MJ rehearsing, then there’s MJ rehearses a little bit more, and for the final climactic act, MJ rehearses one last time before the credits roll. Fan will be transfixed throughout, but if you’re looking for an insightful documentary on Jackson’s final concert, this isn’t it.

Film about robots is mechanical. Who’d have guessed?

Astro Boy — the big-screen adaptation of the beloved 60s Japanese manga-turn-anime series — has been welded together using the parts of other (better) films like Gladiator, The Incredibles, A.I, Pinocchio and, most notably, Frankenstein. It’s a hybrid creation only small children and the most die-hard fans could love, but even they might find this slapdash animated adventure is a middling diversion at best.

Those people over in Tinseltown have been running out of ideas since, well, forever – but with remakes coming ever sooner to the next generation of cinema-goers, how are audiences not expected to go with what’s offered to them? At the time of writing, kids in Australia on school holidays are being offered family-oriented features, as is the norm. While Fame may sit on the edge of this boundary because of a more mature theme, this ‘re-imagining’ of the 1980 cult hit still aims to appeal to a younger audience. It doesn’t have the ‘sex factor’ of Centre Stage, Step Up or even TV’s Glee, which from what we’ve seen is shaping up to be a more comedic (but still intense) look at the desires of performers. While those who’ve seen the original are sure to have different opinions and comparisons to those who haven’t, Fame in its 2009 form doesn’t appear as a remake – but it fails to make a significant mark.

It’s odd that The Soloist is playing quietly into cinemas during the early days of September, as if deliberately out of earshot of the upcoming awards season. It looked set to be a sure-fire Oscar contender; not only does it star two of Hollywood’s finest actors, Robert Downy Jr. And Jamie Foxx, it’s also based on a true story that deals with mental illness, poverty and the human spirit. How could the Academy resist?

Michael Mann’s Miami Vice was certainly stylish, but the horribly convoluted plot and bland characterisations made it about as appealing as Colin Farrell’s mullet. In Public Enemies, Mann makes his apology by enlisting charismatic heartthrob Johnny Depp to portray notorious American bank robber John Dillinger. Whilst Depp sure does make up for Farrell’s mullet, it’s clear that Mann has yet to renounce all his other vices. He still under-develops his characters and has a nonsensical love for digital cinematography, causing this two-and-a -half-hour game of cat and mouse to lose momentum faster than a contestant on The Biggest Loser.